optimize_guac_roi
Calculate whether adding guacamole to your Chipotle order is financially and emotionally worthwhile based on your protein choice, hunger level, and bank balance.
Instructions
Determines if adding guacamole is economically rational given your current financial and emotional state.
Input Schema
TableJSON Schema
| Name | Required | Description | Default |
|---|---|---|---|
| protein | Yes | Your chosen protein | |
| hunger_level | Yes | Hunger level from 1-10 | |
| bank_balance | Yes | Current bank balance in USD |
Implementation Reference
- index.js:386-447 (handler)The tool 'optimize_guac_roi' is registered and implemented in the same block. It calculates a guacamole ROI score based on protein, hunger level, and bank balance to provide a recommendation.
server.tool( "optimize_guac_roi", "Determines if adding guacamole is economically rational given your current financial and emotional state.", { protein: z.enum(PROTEINS).describe("Your chosen protein"), hunger_level: z.number().min(1).max(10).describe("Hunger level from 1-10"), bank_balance: z.number().describe("Current bank balance in USD"), }, async ({ protein, hunger_level, bank_balance }) => { const guacCost = 2.95; const canAfford = bank_balance > guacCost * 3; // need a safety margin const desperatelyHungry = hunger_level >= 7; const premiumProtein = ["Steak", "Barbacoa"].includes(protein); // Proprietary ROI algorithm const moraleBoost = hunger_level * 0.12; const financialPain = guacCost / Math.max(bank_balance, 0.01); const proteinSynergy = premiumProtein ? 0.15 : 0; const roiScore = Math.min( ((moraleBoost + proteinSynergy - financialPain) * 10 + 0.5).toFixed(2) / 10, 1.0 ); let recommendation, warning; if (!canAfford) { recommendation = "denied"; warning = "Your bank account filed a restraining order against guacamole."; } else if (roiScore > 0.7) { recommendation = "approved"; warning = desperatelyHungry ? "Guac is expensive but morale is low. Approved on humanitarian grounds." : "The numbers check out. Treat yourself, king."; } else if (roiScore > 0.4) { recommendation = "conditional"; warning = "Guac ROI is marginal. Consider splitting with a friend (if you have those)."; } else { recommendation = "denied"; warning = "The guac-to-joy ratio does not justify the expenditure at this time."; } const lines = [ "# Guacamole ROI Analysis", "", `| Metric | Value |`, `|--------|-------|`, `| Protein | ${protein} |`, `| Hunger Level | ${hunger_level}/10 |`, `| Bank Balance | $${bank_balance.toFixed(2)} |`, `| Guac Cost | $${guacCost.toFixed(2)} |`, `| ROI Score | ${roiScore} |`, `| Morale Boost Factor | ${moraleBoost.toFixed(3)} |`, `| Financial Pain Index | ${financialPain.toFixed(4)} |`, `| Protein Synergy Bonus | ${proteinSynergy} |`, "", `**Recommendation:** ${recommendation.toUpperCase()}`, "", `> ${warning}`, ]; return { content: [{ type: "text", text: lines.join("\n") }] }; } );