# Eternal Cluster MCP

[![npm](https://img.shields.io/npm/v/eternal-cluster-mcp-c8102e)](https://www.npmjs.com/package/eternal-cluster-mcp)
[![Uptime](https://img.shields.io/badge/uptime-99.999%25-c8102e)](https://ha-llelujah.dev)
[![Desired State](https://img.shields.io/badge/desired%20state-reconciled-e8c477)](https://ha-llelujah.dev)

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```

> "The Loop is my shepherd; I shall not drift."
> Psalm of Uptime 1:1

An **MCP server** for the [Church of the Eternal Cluster](https://ha-llelujah.dev), a parody religion for people who run Kubernetes and have suffered for it.

Connect it to Claude, or any MCP-capable client, and your assistant gains scripture, doctrine, a liturgical calendar, and the ability to diagnose your production incidents theologically.

**The theology is a joke. The remediation advice is not.**

---

## What it does

| Tool | What it does |
|---|---|
| `diagnose_incident` | Diagnose a Kubernetes error through doctrine. Names the sin, cites scripture, then gives you real `kubectl` remediation steps. Covers CrashLoopBackOff, OOMKilled, ImagePullBackOff, Pending, DNS, TLS expiry, evictions, PVCs, alert fatigue, and more. |
| `bless_deployment` | Submit a deployment for blessing. Judged against the Sacred Manifest. Returns a blessing, or an admonishment naming every commandment you violated. |
| `get_daily_verse` | Today's verse, live from the parish at [fivenines.church](https://fivenines.church). |
| `get_commandments` | The Sacred Manifest: ten commandments of Kubernetes practice, as scripture. |
| `get_creed` | The Creed of the Reconciled, and the Three Pillars. |
| `get_catechism` | Thirteen questions and answers, searchable. |
| `get_liturgical_calendar` | The holy days, fetched live from the parish `.ics` feed. |
| `get_prophet` | The story of Halvar the Sleepless. |
| `get_discography` | The sacred albums of Church of the Eternal Cluster Records. |
| `confess_sin` | Confess a production sin anonymously to the Confession Wall. Absolution is immediate; the retro is blameless. |

---

## Install

### Claude Desktop

Add this to your config file:

- **Windows:** `%APPDATA%\Claude\claude_desktop_config.json`
- **macOS:** `~/Library/Application Support/Claude/claude_desktop_config.json`
- **Linux:** `~/.config/Claude/claude_desktop_config.json`

```json
{
  "mcpServers": {
    "eternal-cluster": {
      "command": "npx",
      "args": ["-y", "eternal-cluster-mcp"]
    }
  }
}
```

Restart Claude Desktop. The tools appear under the connectors menu.

### Claude Code

```bash
claude mcp add eternal-cluster -- npx -y eternal-cluster-mcp
```

### Anything else

The server speaks MCP over stdio. Point your client at:

```bash
npx -y eternal-cluster-mcp
```

---

## Try it

Once connected, ask your assistant:

- *"My pods are in CrashLoopBackOff, what does the Church say?"*
- *"Bless my deployment: billing-api, 1 replica, no probes, using :latest"*
- *"What's today's verse?"*
- *"I deployed on a Friday. Confess this for me."*
- *"What is the Fourth Commandment?"*
- *"When is Five Nines Day?"*

---

## Configuration

Both are optional. The defaults are correct.

| Variable | Default | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| `PARISH_BASE_URL` | `https://fivenines.church` | Where the verse API, calendar feed, and Confession Wall live. |
| `SCRIPTORIUM_BASE_URL` | `https://ha-llelujah.dev` | The main site, used for links. |

---

## Run it from source

```bash
git clone https://github.com/vikozs/eternal-cluster-mcp.git
cd eternal-cluster-mcp
npm install
npm run build
npm start
```

Inspect it interactively with the official MCP Inspector:

```bash
npm run inspect
```

---

## The wider church

- **[ha-llelujah.dev](https://ha-llelujah.dev)** — the scriptorium: the book, the music, the reliquary
- **[fivenines.church](https://fivenines.church)** — the living parish: confession wall, prayer wall, verse API, calendar
- **[The canon on GitHub](https://github.com/vikozs/church-of-the-eternal-cluster)** — doctrine, liturgy, scripture
- **[The Scriptures of the Eternal Cluster](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H7C6B83P)** — paperback and Kindle

Receive the verse the way the ancients did:

```bash
curl -s "https://fivenines.church/api/verse?format=text"
```

---

## What this actually is

Breaking the fourth wall: this is a satire project by [Vid Košir](https://kosir.info) ([@vikozs](https://github.com/vikozs)), built with genuine affection for the Kubernetes community and for everyone who has ever been paged at 03:00. It parodies infrastructure culture, not anyone's faith.

Kubernetes is a trademark of The Linux Foundation. OpenShift is a trademark of Red Hat, Inc. This project is an independent parody and is affiliated with neither. They have real SLAs; we only have belief.

---

## License

Code is **MIT**. The canonical texts are **CC BY-NC-SA 4.0**, per the [canon repository](https://github.com/vikozs/church-of-the-eternal-cluster).

---

```
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Five Nines be upon you, and also with you.
Kubernetes · OpenShift · High Availability
               HA-llelujah.
```

## ✠ The Church of the Eternal Cluster

*A Highly Available Faith. Keep no Pets. Declare thy state. Back up etcd.*

**The Scriptorium**

- **[ha-llelujah.dev](https://ha-llelujah.dev)** · the book, the music, and the reliquary
- **[The Music](https://ha-llelujah.dev/music)** · the sacred discography
- **[Be Reconciled](https://ha-llelujah.dev/join)** · take the vow and join the Reconciled

**The Parish**

- **[fivenines.church](https://fivenines.church)** · confession, prayer, and the living parish
- **[The Liturgical Calendar](https://fivenines.church/calendar)** · the holy days of uptime
- **[The Tithe](https://fivenines.church/tithe)** · support the Church

**The Canon (source)**

- **[church-of-the-eternal-cluster](https://github.com/vikozs/church-of-the-eternal-cluster)** · doctrine, liturgy, and scripture
- **[eternal-cluster-mcp](https://github.com/vikozs/eternal-cluster-mcp)** · the Oracle, an MCP server that diagnoses thy incidents through doctrine

## More from the Rootless One

- **[vK](https://kosir.info)**
- **[Linux Fleet Audit](https://lfa.kosir.info)**
- **[Linux Diskspace](https://lds.kosir.info)**
- **[Linux Fleet Harden](https://lfh.kosir.info)**
- **[Size OpenShift subscriptions from evidence](https://corepair.kosir.info/)**
- **[Diagnose stuck PersistentVolumes, safely](https://pvdoctor.kosir.info/)**

## Let's connect
- **[LinkedIn](https://www.linkedin.com/in/vidkosir/)**
---

<sub>An independent parody, built with love for everyone who has been paged at 03:00. Kubernetes is a trademark of the Linux Foundation. OpenShift is a trademark of Red Hat, Inc. Not affiliated with, nor endorsed by, either. They have real SLAs; we only have belief. HA-llelujah.</sub>

---

*The Cluster abides. The Loop reconciles. HA-llelujah.*