Return the motion status (direct, retrograde, or stationary) of all tracked planets — Mercury through Neptune — based on real JPL ephemeris data.

Each planet entry includes its ecliptic longitude, daily speed, domains of responsibility in software development, and an interpretation of its current motion.

Data source: NASA JPL DE421 ephemeris via Skyfield.

Args: date: Optional date to evaluate (ISO 8601 format, e.g. "2026-03-10"). If not specified, uses the current date/time.

Return the lunar phase with illumination percentage and a software development interpretation.

New Moon → poor time for deployments. Full Moon → expect irrational user behavior. Waxing phases → good for shipping. Waning phases → good for cleanup and review.

Data source: NASA JPL DE421 ephemeris via Skyfield.

Args: date: Optional date to evaluate (ISO 8601 format, e.g. "2026-03-10"). If not specified, uses the current date/time.

Fetch the current planetary Kp-index (geomagnetic activity) from NOAA SWPC.

The Kp-index measures disturbances in Earth's magnetic field: 0–1 → Quiet. Excellent conditions for deep focus work. 2–3 → Unsettled. Minor disruption to attention spans. 4 → Active. Standups run long. 5–6 → G1–G2 Storm. Freeze deployments. 7–9 → G3–G5 Severe/Extreme. All bets off.

Data source: NOAA Space Weather Prediction Center (services.swpc.noaa.gov).

Compute a composite cosmic risk score from 0 (blissful ignorance) to 100 (do not touch the keyboard).

Score components:

• Retrograde planets: +10 per planet (Mercury/Mars weighted higher)

• Stationary planets: +5 per planet

• Lunar phase modifier: −10 to +20

• Kp-index modifier: −5 to +50 (when NOAA data is available for the date)

Data sources: NASA JPL DE421 ephemeris + NOAA SWPC Kp-index.

Args: date: Optional date to evaluate (ISO 8601 format, e.g. "2026-03-10"). If not specified, uses the current date/time.

Get a yes/no astrological recommendation for a specific action.

Examples of action: "deploy", "merge PR", "force push", "database migration", "rewrite the auth service", "hire a contractor", "send the email".

The recommendation is based on the motion status of the planets that govern the relevant domain, combined with the current lunar phase and Kp-index.

Data sources: NASA JPL DE421 ephemeris + NOAA SWPC Kp-index.

Args: action: The action you are considering. Be specific. date: Optional date to evaluate (ISO 8601 format, e.g. "2026-03-10"). If not specified, uses the current date/time.

Receive an incident or outage description and return a rigorous astrological root-cause analysis.

The explanation references the actual current planetary positions and motion to construct a causally coherent cosmic narrative. The tone is professionally grave.

Args: description: A description of the incident, outage, or anomaly.

Find the next calendar window where cosmic conditions are relatively favorable for deployments and major technical decisions.

A window qualifies when:

• At most max_retrograde_planets planets are retrograde

• The Moon is in a waxing crescent, first quarter, or waxing gibbous phase

The search covers 90 days from the start date. Calculations use real JPL ephemeris data.

Data source: NASA JPL DE421 ephemeris via Skyfield.

Args: max_retrograde_planets: Maximum number of retrograde planets to tolerate in the window. Default is 1. start_date: Optional start date for the search (ISO 8601 format, e.g. "2026-08-01"). If not specified, searches from now.

Generate a morning cosmic standup: a concise summary of today's astrological conditions for software teams.

Covers planetary status, lunar phase, space weather, overall risk score, and a single actionable recommendation for the day.

Data sources: NASA JPL DE421 ephemeris + NOAA SWPC Kp-index.

Return all retrograde periods for a given planet over the last N years.

Useful for overlaying against your deployment history to 'discover' correlations. The search uses the NASA JPL DE421 ephemeris.

Args: planet: Planet name, one of: mercury, venus, mars, jupiter, saturn, uranus, neptune. Default is 'mercury'. years: Number of years to look back. Default is 3. Max is 10.